Can relationships last when we are involved with somebody who appears to be our opposite?
A discussion of whether travel is the only, or even the best, way to learn new ideas.
Seechanges Therapy
Blog Post
The Art of Listening Properly
- by Bernice Hardwick
- •
- 26 Jan, 2019
- •
Listening is not only a very underrated skill/art, it seems to be disappearing from social interaction altogether. Or perhaps it wasn't ever there, not in any meaningful sense. Obviously, as a therapist I am trained to listen "actively", to hear what is not being said, but that's not what I'm talking about here; I'm talking about giving others the opportunity to speak without interruption, to finish what they have to say and to do it respectfully and attentively, without constantly thinking about what you're next contribution is going to be. And neither am I talking about brief comments or interjections for the sake of clarity. These are some of the things I mean:
- constant questions whilst you're talking, which, if the other person just waited for you to finish in your own way and time, they wouldn't need to ask
- drifting off, eyes glazed, glancing over your shoulder (or at their phone!), etc. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't even notice you've stopped talking.
- presuming that they know exactly what you're about to say and finishing it for you, or continuing the conversation on your behalf (often incorrectly!) without waiting to find out any more
- assuming that they know what you mean without checking and again continuing the conversation in that vein
- failing to acknowledge anything you've said and then talking about something else altogether (themselves?!)
- blatant, abrupt, plain old interruption to talk about an entirely different topic or to somebody else.
If you recognise any of these as something you do regularly, first, please stop (or at least, please stop talking to me). Then you may like to consider that we cannot ever learn about others if we jump to conclusions and fail to engage fully, which includes listening and HEARING. Nobody likes to feel invisible or meaningless, none of us enjoys being ignored, so give listening a chance. I promise you will be pleased, surprised, shocked, amused, saddened, educated and entertained by what you hear; I suspect you will also learn a lot about yourself.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/life-saving-philosophy/201001/the-art-conversation-are-you-r...
- constant questions whilst you're talking, which, if the other person just waited for you to finish in your own way and time, they wouldn't need to ask
- drifting off, eyes glazed, glancing over your shoulder (or at their phone!), etc. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't even notice you've stopped talking.
- presuming that they know exactly what you're about to say and finishing it for you, or continuing the conversation on your behalf (often incorrectly!) without waiting to find out any more
- assuming that they know what you mean without checking and again continuing the conversation in that vein
- failing to acknowledge anything you've said and then talking about something else altogether (themselves?!)
- blatant, abrupt, plain old interruption to talk about an entirely different topic or to somebody else.
If you recognise any of these as something you do regularly, first, please stop (or at least, please stop talking to me). Then you may like to consider that we cannot ever learn about others if we jump to conclusions and fail to engage fully, which includes listening and HEARING. Nobody likes to feel invisible or meaningless, none of us enjoys being ignored, so give listening a chance. I promise you will be pleased, surprised, shocked, amused, saddened, educated and entertained by what you hear; I suspect you will also learn a lot about yourself.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/life-saving-philosophy/201001/the-art-conversation-are-you-r...